Intimacy has a scale, and has nothing to do with sex. Sex is just a way to get there, most of the times, it doesn’t. It is not like
knowledge, once you know, you know. Intimacy is a different thing. You have to be in the mood for it. Learn to identify it when it comes, every Blue Moon. Let it linger, so that you can go deeper into it.
I am pretty sure bonding is for life.
You may be bonded to a lot of people, due to blood sharing, life sharing, ages of friendship. Bonding does not go away, but you don’t need presence for it. Once you bond, you bond. Intimacy, however, needs presence. Otherwise you’d have to start all over again. And it gets tiresome. I’ve never been good at coming and going. It’s either a continuous and growing path, or it kills the mood. And gives room for the little demons to start whispering all the beliefs in your ear, the ones leading to isolation, for protection. To safe guard your heart and soul. Timing can be a motherfucker. Your ego does the rest. It is a blessing when your timing coincides with the other’s. It takes one in a million.
When you wake up from intimacy, from that special place in your psych that allows you to be vulnerable, the little demons make you withdraw, in shame and fear. A little bit of that is OK, it is Apollo taking over what Dionysius had conquered. And we do have to learn how to live in Apollo mind, never forgetting Dionysius’ spirit. But it can’t take long, or regret takes over, you become defensive, and grow more and more apart. I am tired of that. So I withdrew.
